How to Fix Your Car Battery
by Yoni
1. Upon discovering that your car won't start Monday morning due to a dead battery - despite the fact that you neither left your lights on nor improperly closed a door or anything else that would drain the battery overnight - call your coworker and beg her for a ride to work.
2. After work that night, use your sister's car to jump start your car. Or at least try.
3. An hour later, when all that's changed is that your dome light comes on, call your father.
4. An hour after that, when all that's changed is that now your radio comes on, have a small emotional breakdown in the bathroom and give up for the night.
5. Make your sister, conveniently off work that day, take you to work in the morning, then come get you mid-afternoon and take you to Wal-mart so you can buy a battery. Be sure to spiral into the depths of crankiness upon discovering that, of course, your car requires the most expensive battery Wal-mart carries.
6. Make handy friend come over with her wrenches. Change out batteries. Blink in surprise when the positive battery terminal more or less crumbles in your hand when you pull it off the battery post, because it's so corroded. That would explain a few things.
7. Try to start car with new battery. When it doesn't work, decide that the battery terminal is the real problem and put the old battery back in your car, hoping you can get your $75 back from Wal-mart. Resign yourself to calling a tow service in the morning.
8. Learn from your father that battery terminals are actually fairly easy to replace, have another (completely inexplicable this time) emotional breakdown, and make new plans to buy battery terminal tomorrow and figure out how to put it on all by yourself. Also learn that your battery is at least five years old and thus on its last legs anyway, so you might as well keep the new one.
9. Buy battery terminal, wrenches, and tackle car. Take out old battery and put new one back in. Examine corroded battery terminal and notice it's connected to more than just the battery cable and that the standard terminal you bought at the auto parts store isn't going to work.
10. Call father. Call Nissan dealer. Learn that, indeed, the standard terminal will not work because you need one that can hook to the fuse link. Prepare to use pliers to hold what's left of battery terminal against battery post long enough for sister to start car so you can take it to the Nissan dealer.
11. On whim, try to start car before sister gets home from haircut. Rejoice when, by some miracle, it actually starts. As you have no idea what's different now from when you tried to start it with the new battery last night, decide God just loves you today and call it a Christmas miracle.
12. Drive to Nissan dealer and make them put on a new battery terminal. Because you forgot your book in your excitement over a functioning car, be forced to watch Dog the Bounty Hunter and Keeping Up with the Kardashians on the waiting room television.
13. Drive fully functioning car with new battery and battery terminal home. Promptly devour curry leftovers, as you forgot to eat lunch.
And now you can fix your car battery!
by Yoni
1. Upon discovering that your car won't start Monday morning due to a dead battery - despite the fact that you neither left your lights on nor improperly closed a door or anything else that would drain the battery overnight - call your coworker and beg her for a ride to work.
2. After work that night, use your sister's car to jump start your car. Or at least try.
3. An hour later, when all that's changed is that your dome light comes on, call your father.
4. An hour after that, when all that's changed is that now your radio comes on, have a small emotional breakdown in the bathroom and give up for the night.
5. Make your sister, conveniently off work that day, take you to work in the morning, then come get you mid-afternoon and take you to Wal-mart so you can buy a battery. Be sure to spiral into the depths of crankiness upon discovering that, of course, your car requires the most expensive battery Wal-mart carries.
6. Make handy friend come over with her wrenches. Change out batteries. Blink in surprise when the positive battery terminal more or less crumbles in your hand when you pull it off the battery post, because it's so corroded. That would explain a few things.
7. Try to start car with new battery. When it doesn't work, decide that the battery terminal is the real problem and put the old battery back in your car, hoping you can get your $75 back from Wal-mart. Resign yourself to calling a tow service in the morning.
8. Learn from your father that battery terminals are actually fairly easy to replace, have another (completely inexplicable this time) emotional breakdown, and make new plans to buy battery terminal tomorrow and figure out how to put it on all by yourself. Also learn that your battery is at least five years old and thus on its last legs anyway, so you might as well keep the new one.
9. Buy battery terminal, wrenches, and tackle car. Take out old battery and put new one back in. Examine corroded battery terminal and notice it's connected to more than just the battery cable and that the standard terminal you bought at the auto parts store isn't going to work.
10. Call father. Call Nissan dealer. Learn that, indeed, the standard terminal will not work because you need one that can hook to the fuse link. Prepare to use pliers to hold what's left of battery terminal against battery post long enough for sister to start car so you can take it to the Nissan dealer.
11. On whim, try to start car before sister gets home from haircut. Rejoice when, by some miracle, it actually starts. As you have no idea what's different now from when you tried to start it with the new battery last night, decide God just loves you today and call it a Christmas miracle.
12. Drive to Nissan dealer and make them put on a new battery terminal. Because you forgot your book in your excitement over a functioning car, be forced to watch Dog the Bounty Hunter and Keeping Up with the Kardashians on the waiting room television.
13. Drive fully functioning car with new battery and battery terminal home. Promptly devour curry leftovers, as you forgot to eat lunch.
And now you can fix your car battery!
- Mood:
relieved - Music:"Where Are You Going" - Dave Matthews Band
Christmas update:
It is so weird to me that Christmas is Friday. Christmas feels like it should be three weeks away - that's how far I've settled into "Christmas spirit." I mean, I decorated the weekend after Thanksgiving and have been playing Christmas music when I think about it, and we even had a gorgeous, perfect snow. But...Christmas feels like it's next month. I even tried to do cheesy Christmas things on Saturday, but my city didn't cooperate and my Former Roommate and I wound up watching Mystery Science Theater instead. I mean, a great evening, but I wanted twinkle lights and hot cider and maybe animatronic reindeer.
On the other hand, I've gotten several awesome presents already, spent all day Sunday with fabulous people, and have, like, seven hours of work left this week. Then my sister and I load up the car (mine, hopefully, if it's functioning by then) with presents and the dog and head out for a week and a half of vacation. Should be marvelous.
+
( I had weird dreams last night. )
It is so weird to me that Christmas is Friday. Christmas feels like it should be three weeks away - that's how far I've settled into "Christmas spirit." I mean, I decorated the weekend after Thanksgiving and have been playing Christmas music when I think about it, and we even had a gorgeous, perfect snow. But...Christmas feels like it's next month. I even tried to do cheesy Christmas things on Saturday, but my city didn't cooperate and my Former Roommate and I wound up watching Mystery Science Theater instead. I mean, a great evening, but I wanted twinkle lights and hot cider and maybe animatronic reindeer.
On the other hand, I've gotten several awesome presents already, spent all day Sunday with fabulous people, and have, like, seven hours of work left this week. Then my sister and I load up the car (mine, hopefully, if it's functioning by then) with presents and the dog and head out for a week and a half of vacation. Should be marvelous.
+
( I had weird dreams last night. )
- Mood:
working - Music:"Harbor" - Vienna Teng
My car wouldn't start this morning. Dead battery. I called a coworker and hitched a ride to work, deciding to worry about the car once I got home.
At work, I spent most of the morning posing for a book cover. I'm going to be on a book cover! I'm a big enough dork for this to be really exciting.
After work I fixed the gate, since a piece decided to fall off last night, and then tried to jumpstart my car. And tried. And tried. Two hours later, when my car still wouldn't start (but the radio came on!), I gave up, made a huge mug of hot chocolate with a generous portion of rum, and am now rewatching the latest two episodes of Dollhouse. Victor and Sierra make me feel better.
Tomorrow, Jen is helping me replace the stupid, dead battery, since I can't drive my car anywhere and make someone else do it. She's a superhero.
Woo. Rum, meet head. This should make "The Attic" episode of Dollhouse even trippier.
At work, I spent most of the morning posing for a book cover. I'm going to be on a book cover! I'm a big enough dork for this to be really exciting.
After work I fixed the gate, since a piece decided to fall off last night, and then tried to jumpstart my car. And tried. And tried. Two hours later, when my car still wouldn't start (but the radio came on!), I gave up, made a huge mug of hot chocolate with a generous portion of rum, and am now rewatching the latest two episodes of Dollhouse. Victor and Sierra make me feel better.
Tomorrow, Jen is helping me replace the stupid, dead battery, since I can't drive my car anywhere and make someone else do it. She's a superhero.
Woo. Rum, meet head. This should make "The Attic" episode of Dollhouse even trippier.
- Mood:
tipsy - Music:Dollhouse
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